EPISODE: “The Debarted”

PRO’S

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+ Nate, you are now kind of interesting, do you have a crush on Humphrey? Cause even if you went gay, you would have picked the other most boring guy in NY.

+ Bart’s back and making my favorite show like my other favorite show (LOST). I would have never guessed that Chuck was this show’s Hurley. Bart in Chuck’s brain is also like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars (how gay is this blog now?), I can’t wait for him to tell Chuck to get angry.

+ I can’t believe this is a pro, but Nate I really hope you fuck Serena this year.

+ Serena prefers Fitzgerald to Hemingway, what other preferences that you have no fucking clue about do you have?

+ Trip’s wife is such a cunt! That’s a plus. This show needs a cunt and we got it. Trip’s Wife.

+ Oh, I just forgot that the people who live in Rufus/Lily’s building think Rufus is a housewife. They are so right. Lily totally wears the pants in that family, she’s awesome, sexy and (probably) loves Wilco (she is married to the male version of the full band). Rufus = Wilco.

+ Chuck handles grief about as well as he handles rejection.

+ Car crash caused by random wolves in the middle of the street, New Moon cross promotion?

+ Gossip Girl is getting really fucking good at crazy montages. Serena looks so fucking dead. (hope she’s not)

+ Nate needs a Bart Bass to tell him to unleash his anger on Trip, instead he’ll probably have his cokehead dad tell him to “hide the coke for him.” Gossip Girl really needs more parental ghosts.

+ Rufus you did it again. When did you have time to figure out how to make boulonnaise? You were a fucking rock star, a fucking father, and a fucking art gallery owner.

+ Why are the cops in Nassau County calling every main cast member to tell them Serena was in a car accident? Maybe one of the cops is Gossip Girl, that would be amazing that if Gossip Girl was a Long Island male cop. What a twist.

+ BOOM! Nate! NATE! NATE! You just dropped Trip. I have a new favorite character. I need to change the URL of this blog. How did they fix my hatred for a boring character? They used love and violence.

+ Serena looks great all beat up. Aw man, I may be fucked up sexually.

+ Blair + Chuck = <333FOREVAZZZZ

+ Little Jenbot, you need to not wear makeup, you look beautiful.

+ Dan telling Vanessa that he loves her was really sweet. Vanessa shooting him down was even sweeter (FOR ME!!!)

+ “Empire State of Mind” is a really fucking good song.

+ NATE AND SERENA FOREVERRRRRR!!!

+ LITTLE J is a drug dealer!!! I fucking love this show so fucking much!!! This is totally heading for a brick wall!

+ NO WAY! NO WAY! NO WAY! NO WAY! NO WAY! NO WAY! Is Chuck Bass’ mom alive? NO FUCKING WAY!!!!

GOSSIP GIRL IS JUST LIKE LOST!

CON’S

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- C’mon Gossip Girl, The Debarted? That was a shitty Simpsons episode last year.

- Cute girl who invited Humphrey to the writer’s retreat, you aren’t cute enough for this show. Why don’t you go star in a British version of Gossip Girl?

- Ugh, an entire eppy of Serena calling her married boyfriend? I’d rather masturbate with rouge, so it looked my dick was bleeding. (I’d rather watch an episode of Serena calling her married boyfriend than actual masturbate my bloody dick.)

- Blair seriously don’t act like you have a heart, Chuck hates hearts. He likes stockings and garterbelts, and dildo shows.

- Eric is acting like a real queen. I know he’s not Gossip Girl because it would be called Gossip Woman.

- What the fuck did you risk Serena? You are eighteen years old. I didn’t forget this. (You better fucking kiss her Nate.)

- Humphrey has now ruined sex for 6 women.

- There’s no way Trip has a big dick. No one who wears that hat has a big dick. You ruined Serena. I used to love Serena.

- Chuck, I love you, we know this but come on your flashback came off like a weird Imogen Heap music video. Lame. Go back with Blair, you guys get each other. She’ll even let you cum on her tits, and them tits belong to a Waldorf.

- Eric, why are you so lame? You and Lil’ J  should be friends, for realzies!! Ya guys ARE PERFECT!

2 years ago  /  1 note