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DOUBLE IDENTITY
Hello Upper East Siders,
Last week’s dumb episode was pretty good. Here we are now on episode 2. Anything can happen, literally anything because everything is stupid as shit. My hopes for this episode include Chuck Bass, Blair Waldorf being bitchy and Serena closing her legs.
PRO’S
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+ Blair called Humphrey a donut. While donuts are delicious, I can imagine Humphrey as a donut that sucks out all of the life in your body.
+ Yeah! We get it, Katie Cassidy! THIS SHOW IS FUCKING RETARDED!
+ Henry Prince likes to have sex just as much as Chuck Bass. WAIT A SECOND!
+ I like Katie Cassidy, she is stirring up some shit! I wonder what her game is.
+ Blair seeing Chuck! I got goosebumps! I’m also high on METH!!!!!!!
+ Does Hellcats suck?
+ Katie Cassidy is really really pretty. I am a fan of that face.
+ BLAIR JUST HAD A HUGE ZING. “I went to the morgue today.” “What is that a sex club?” SERENA IS SUCH A STUPID WHORE!
+ Chuck (Henry) you can still plow that girl!
+ Baby’s first Rufus’ waffles?
+ Adding an interesting lady into Nate’s life is a good idea! I really do miss his cokehead dad! That guy loved cocaine!
+ How are you surprised by this Serena? The most dramatic shit happens to you week after week. Get used to the fact that Chuck is saying he’s not Chuck.
+ Chuck is dressed like a Newsie. But acting like a Chuck Bass.
+ Blair looks all wah-wah-wee-wah. She’s actin’ all woo-woo-wee-woo.
+ Blair deserves all the jewelry in the world. Serena’s probably the worst dressed person to ever be inside Harry Winston. After Blair saw the engagement ring Chuck bought for her, her vagina was all like “WHAT PRINCE? IM SO WETTT!!!”
+ Blair would rather go to the Ball than save Chuck. SAVE CHUCK! You guys are IT! Sweet LOST ending to that moment.
+ I really want to be in a bad horror movie, someone cast me.
+ Blair & Chuck! BLAIR & CHUCK! BLAIR & CHUCK!!!! IN FUCKING PARIS! If I wasn’t emotionally dead inside, I would cry my dick off! Chuck is trying to be a good person. He really is. Blair loves him. Guys, I’m feeling something.. and it’s GOOSEBUMPS! GREAT SCENE! Should have ended the episode. Wonder what stupid shit they will end this episode with?
+ I like that Serena said the only good thing about Nate is his shoulders. I wish she would tell that to his stupid face.
+ Blair gives up being a princess to be in the Upper East Side. You kiss a prince with that trash mouth? I love you! She’s so not a princess.
+ I hope Milo is more interesting than Dan. They should age him 16 years next season…and have Serena do coke off of his dick!
+ Serena is looooooooooooooooooookin’ GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! Plus she’s ruining Dan and Vanessa’s BORING OFF! Yeah, good face to make Serena, all of this is bullshit.
CON’S
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- Why is Serena wearing that glittery blazer? Who would wear that? Does she have severe daddy issues? Oh right!! LAST SEASON! But it’s pretty cool fashion wear for a morgue. You hear that, Gaga? Dress like a dumb idiot in a morgue! JK! ILU GAGA!
- HUMPHREY! YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! REALLY! Way to ruin, Woody Guthrie for 900,000 tweenage girls. You fucking suck. No joke here. Just you suck.
- Good idea writers, team up Nate and Humphrey for an important dialogue. Why does Nate just check other people’s phones? That’s not that boring. But still, he is.
- Vanessa is in this episode.
- Blair, don’t you realize.. you taught us all how to love again. You just seduce other young women then pretend to fight with them and then you have public sex with your partner! GET BACK WITH CHUCK! GET BACK WITH CHUCK!
- Yuck! French guy is a terrible actor. He’s acting like he’s French. Gross! USA USA USA!
- Oh, sweet! A Vanessa and Dan scene. I really missed hating this show!
- Just fucking get a room somewhere on a different show, Dan & Vanessa. Spin off, it’s kind of like the upcoming film “Buried”, two of television’s worst characters buried underground and it’s not on television.
- Serena is so interested in fixing things. She’s probably the dumbest person to ever try to fix stuff. How do you fix a situation that doesn’t have a dick?
- BAD JOKE, LILY! BAD JOKE!
- Nate and Dan, bro’in out on a roof. Talkin’ bout Serena. They are so boring and predictable.
- Katie Cassidy isn’t going to be on this show forever. That sucks.
- MORE FUCKING VANESSA AND DAN?!?! JESUS CHRIST! I want to cut my hands off so I could stop typing how much they suck. They really suck. Why does Dan’s face have abs?
- SLOW DOWN, French man. It doesn’t make sense what you are saying.
- The bad part of this ending is Serena will date some new bozo that I don’t like.
